


Misunderstandings

by anxious-vigil (roses_have_thorns)



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Graphic descriptions of panic attacks, Lots of Arguing, Multi, Other, aro/ace logan, confused virgil, discussions of sexual/romantic identity, mentions of self harm, some aro-phobic language, some self deprecation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-10 14:49:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13503786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roses_have_thorns/pseuds/anxious-vigil
Summary: Virgil needs someone to help him through panic attacks, and Logan seems to be the perfect solution. However when he approaches the other side, assumptions are made and soon he's left alone and confused, trying to track down Logic just to ask him where things went wrong.Romantic identity angst fic with like a paragraph of crack at the very end. I've since realised it's also heavily inspired by Platonic by @randomslasher so you should go read that as well if you haven't already.My tumblr is also anxious-vigil, and prompts are open so hmu with ideas :)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Will update daily. My first fic since 2014 so please be kind :)

Virgil sank to his knees, breathing heavily. Thomas was about to upload a new short, they were all so proud of the work put into it. He hated that he managed to ruin what should be a moment of satisfaction EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN TIME. Sometimes he really hated how he was, he tried so hard to change, be better, for Thomas, but all the roads seemed to lead back here, him shaking on the floor of his room, struggling to suck in air, scratching at his arms for a distraction. Anything to stop his fear leeching across the connection to Thomas. For a second he considered snapping the connection, just until the video was up, but hey, we all saw how well that went last time, right? Oh yeah, absolutely terribly.

Virgil shut his eyes and gasped at the pang of pure terror. Tears streamed down his face as he shook, grasping for something to ground him. Patton floated into his mind, the smell of cookies, a warm hug, overenthusiastic chatter, the noise, it's overwhelming, the arms are constricting, the smell's too sweet, saccharine, he can't mean it, he's like this to everyone, he's just humouring you, when did his hands start to strangle me? No, not Patton it's NOT HELPING, breathe, just breathe, think of something else, but what?

He snapped his eyes open and stared straight into the gaze of Sally. His posters. Roman. He's been nice...ish lately... though he's rarely seen apart from Patton and anytime him and Roman are alone together it tends to end in a fight. Yelling, a shove, a raised hand, a sword, no, shit, NO, Roman wouldn't, he's not like- the blades coming for you, DUCK!

Virgil's breath stopped, his face wet. A thread of panic had shimmied it's way past his defences and down to Thomas. Roman would be furious, no, stop, don't, think of Thomas, you're not the villain anymore, you need to be better for Thomas, do it for him. A ping of insecurity echoed back from Thomas. Fuck. Think. Keep calm. Breathe. Think rationally.  
Rationally...  
Logically...?  
What did Logan say....?  
Cognitive distortions?  
That didn't mean anything to Virgil. He wailed quietly, berating himself for his stupidity, what would Logan say if he could see him now? Idiot. Logan would say you're an idiot, wait, no, too emotional, he'd say that you're acting irrationally, that fans have always liked previous shorts and there's no reason this should be any different. He... he would reassure you and give you that small patient smile and maybe... just maybe, if you were really lucky, he'd open his arms and he'd tell you it was logical to ensure Thomas' well-being through making you feel heard and acknowledged but you'd see the care in his eyes and know it's no chore to him and he might... you might...

A wave of relief and anticipation followed the posting of the short and Virgil's eyes cracked open slowly. He reached back gently and slowly placed his hands over where he swore he could still feel the warmth of Logan's arms. His breathing was steady and the tear tracks were dried on his face. He stumbled over to his desk and found the My NEGATIVE Thinking video, pressing play with shaking fingers. Listening to the soothing voices, following the small but significant leaps of logic, by the end he was almost feeling... calm? He'd stopped shaking anyway. He couldn't remember feeling like this in... a while. It was nice, he thought. Virgil pressed play again, this time focusing on his own expressions, how he fought, wincing at each reminder of how he acted as Anxiety, no wonder Roman used to hate him, but by the end card his pixelated face was smiling softly, even though the cause may have been Logan's slang, not his calming influence. In his past self's defence though, that shit was hilarious.

He'd since purposefully taught Logan some slightly... twisted definitions. Not enough that it was an outright lie, Logan wouldn't forgive him for corrupting facts like that, just perhaps leaving out some of the, uh, subtleties of a word's usage. Roman's reactions were amazing and the best part was that he couldn't even correct Virgil's definitions as they were technically correct.

He pondered his tentative acquaintanceship with Logan. He liked the logical side and his calming presence was often the only thing that got him through group events. He loved hanging out with Pat, especially when he invited Virgil to help bake (Patton wasn't allowed in the kitchen alone after the devastating Incident of 2009) , but sometimes he could get exuberant and overwhelming and wherever Patton was, Roman wasn't far behind, the literal definition of exuberant and overwhelming. (Yes, he's told Logan the fanders were using that definition, and yes the other side has used “that was a bit too Roman” in conversation, and yes, it was AMAZING. Roman sputtered a bit but he wasn't _too_ mad, which was good cos Virgil had been a little worried, ok a lot worried, but not enough to not do it.)

If just a recorded image and a figment of his imagination could keep him calm through a process he'd come to dread, what would a friendship with Logan be like? Virgil resolved to try. He'd be too scared to approach just for his own sake but being more calm would help Thomas as well as himself. Well, that was his excuse, he also just really wanted to see Logan. Still, he'd do anything to keep Thomas safe, play the villain, pull all-nighters crafting carefully designed risk assessments, upset Patton by keeping Thomas inside, argue with Roman even though that sword scared him to death, even leave his room.

As he shuts the door behind him he feels a little of his safety net slip away and flips up his hood to hide behind.  
“oh, THERE you are Sir-” Roman stops mid-insult and mid-corridor, “uh, friendo. We were beginning to worry.” Virgil turns and hoo boy, yup, Roman's as aggressively cheerful as ever. He seems to almost lighten up the mindscape itself and as a self-proclaimed creature of darkness, Virgil ain't about that. He raises an eyebrow and does his best to bring down the mood.  
“Sir Friendo? I don't think it's your best by a long shot, young padawan.”  
“That's not what I- ugh whatever.” Princey's hands flap in an offended manner before settling into a dramatic pose. “What's up with padawan anyway? It's not much better, Bitch Black.”  
“I'd have thought a Disney fanatic like you would know Star Wars is part of the franchise now and everyone can see that when it comes to clever insults, you are the apprentice and I am the Snark Lord.” Virgil pauses for emphasis. “...padawan.”  
Roman splutters, staggering as if he's been physically stabbed in the back, “And I was going to be nice! Humph. Well, I suppose, as a prince,” he pulls out a mirror to fix his hair and summons a comb “I can be gracious.” Now he's just checking different angles to make sure his highlight looks bomb from all directions. It does, it's Roman, but Virgil's not gonna be the one to tell him. He waits for a solid minute before realising Princey's not gonna stop gazing into his own eyes anytime soon and clears his throat.  
“So, uh, the nice thing? Just you know, I'm a busy facet. Got demons to summon, fear to spread, goosebumps to give.” The mirror snaps shut and Roman focuses his intense gaze on what he can see of Virgil's face under the hood.  
“Fishing for compliments, are we, Virgil-mort?” His smirk softens, posture shifting from confrontational to friendly. “Look, me and Patton,” Patton and I, whispers the Logan in Virgil's mind. “noticed Thomas wasn't really as nervous about posting this time. Sure he had enough anxiety to make sure all the settings were right but he wasn't scared. You really got the balance right.” He lays a soft hand on Virgil's shoulder. “We're proud of you.” The praise settles gently around him like a blanket and he hunches slightly, unused to the warm weight of it.

Roman waits a moment before it becomes clear Virgil's too surprised to react. “I'll let you go spread fear, there's no-one else I'd trust Thomas' safety with.” He grins at the gaping side, pleased to have finally one-upped him, and squeezes past to get to Patton's room.  
“I... thanks Roman.” Virgil whispers to himself in an empty corridor. He takes a moment to breathe and grins. With the help of his friends, he can do this.

His gaze lands on Logan's door, the smooth, unblemished navy paint standing out at the top of a row of glittery stickers, faded black marred by deep gouges, and intricate illustrations, reminding him why he's standing like a lemon outside his own door. He strides forward and pauses, rehearsing, knock twice, open, say hello, ok go. He knocks once, oh shit, can't do this, uhh crap, time to panic. The door swings open and he looks up at Logan from his slightly hunched posture, his hood falling back and leaving his face exposed.  
“Ah, Virgil. I wasn't expecting a visit, but, please, come in.” Logan lights up with a warm smile and gestures for him to step over the threshold. Virgil steps forward on autopilot, even as he protests.  
“Are you sure? If you're busy, I can-”  
“Virgil.” Logan cuts him off gently but firmly. “If I was busy I would have mentioned it. What is on your mind?” Virgil swallows. He'd planned a friendly outing and he was sure Logan would like it but now he's nervous. Fuck.  
“Well, uh, I was planning on checking out the memory of that time Thomas went camping and uh, saw the stars,” he chances a glance up and Logan's face has frozen. He speeds up, trying to get his idea out before it's shot down. “You like the stars and uh, I was wondering ifyou'dliketocome. Uh, to the memory... with me.” He clarifies, speaking too much but the silence is awkward and Logan's not looking pleased and oh god, he'd thought this was a GOOD idea. “Cos, um, I don't know much about constellations, and, um...”  
“Virgil...” Logan starts. He sighs, walking to look out of the window. “I recognise that I may have given you the wrong idea in the past, I'm not the best with,” He pulls a face. “emotional signals. However, I identify as aromantic and, as such, will not be available for any... dalliances of a less than platonic nature.” Well now Virgil's just confused. He attempts to show Logan acceptance but wonders what this has to do with a star-gazing trip. Unless Logan is trusting him with part of his identity? Maybe they're closer friends than he thought already.  
“That's, uh, the thing where you don't date people, right? That's, uh, cool, I guess, um...” He trails off, unsure of what Logan wants from him. He just wants to know what the other side thinks of his idea. “So for the star-gazing...?” Logan frowns.  
“I would not be comfortable going on a romantic outing.” Virgil looks at him with horror. Does he really think Virgil would disrespect his identity like that, just after Logan came out?  
“No!” Logan starts and looks away from the window for the first time in this conversation. “um, as friends?” He smiles nervously but it fades as Logan shakes his head slowly, returning his gaze outside.  
“I fear that would not be wise given how it was planned.” Oh. He'd made Logan uncomfortable, hadn't reacted the right way to him opening up, pushed his own agenda when he clearly didn't feel like going out tonight, he was so dumb.  
“Right.” Virgil murmured, trying to save face through his embarrassment. “Another time?” Logan smiled tightly.  
“Perhaps.”  
“Ok. I'll, uh, see you around.” He salutes casually and shuts the door softly behind him. He gets back to his own room and thunks his head against the scarred wood of his door. _See you around_. They're literally different parts of the same person, who even says that? No wonder Logan doesn't want to be his friend. Too awkward. Too much work. Too much Anxiety. That made him pause, reminded him why he was there in the first place. He couldn't give up this easily, what would Thomas think? He'll show Logan, he's gonna be the best goddamn friend he's ever had.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all comes to a head when Logan blows up at Virgil for ignoring what he's said about his identity.

Recognising that maybe he started off a little strong, who'd wanna spend an entire evening with Anxiety? Virgil passes the next month or so trying to spend time with Logan. Not that it's easy or anything, in fact he thinks he's actually seen him less than he used to before this whole thing started. Logan's even stopped attending group movie nights with any regularity. He might think he was driving the other away but he's made efforts to be as little of an annoyance as possible, so much so that it's a bit of a stretch, even for the literal embodiment of Anxiety himself, to see himself as the problem. He's been asking Logan once or twice a week to do a small activity with him, a jigsaw, a crossword, to see if they can identify the bird Patton keeps seeing out of the window above the kitchen sink when he's washing up. Nothing but an expression that gets more and more pinched every time he shows up. He's even done some in-depth research on aromanticism to make sure he's not doing anything horrifically offensive. He doesn't think so from the information he's seen, and he got to the fifth page of Google. Logan would be proud, well, maybe if he could just track him down to tell him.

 

One week he tried to casually show up at mealtimes when Logan would be there. Nada. He's starting to think it might just be his presence Logan dislikes, what if he affects the other sides like his room does and he's just making the other more and more nervous each time he shows up? Logan surely would have said something by now but Virgil just doesn't know why he's being avoided so much. It's starting to really hurt and it's showing in how anxious he, and by default Thomas, is getting. It's awful to say the least and it doesn't help how Roman and Patton keep making strange comments about how it'll all work itself out in the end and how there are bumps in the road to true love, always accompanied by a wink or occasionally a lewd comment from Roman and Virgil doesn't understand that either. They must know Logan's aro and he's talked to Patton about how stressed the idea of dating makes him, so what on earth are they getting at? Still, as horrible as the last week's been, he's going to make one last ditch attempt at getting to know Logan before he gives up.

 

The idea of having someone to soothe him through his panic attacks, someone to tear apart Roman's choice at movie night with, someone who he can just spend time with... it's addictive and he doesn't want to let go of the idea yet. He just wants a friend who doesn't spend half their time with their tongue down Roman's throat. Is that too much too ask? Who is he kidding. It's Anxiety we're talking about. Of course he's gonna fuck this up.

 

The next time he feels anxious, Thomas is about to start writing the script for the next Sanders Sides video and is staring down a blank page. If he starts affecting Thomas now, he knows the anxiety about starting off will hound his host for a week, making him procrastinate on everything. He doesn't want to put Thomas through that. All he wants to do is have Logic tell him everything's gonna be ok. It's been about three days since he tried to cook lunch for everyone and one portion sat in the fridge with a post-it note until the pasta started to look mummified and Virgil threw it away with tears pricking in his eyes. Patton helped him scrub away the cheese crusted onto the plate and the mindless chatter was somehow worse than all the silence he's been enduring these past weeks.

 

He grabs a random book from the common area, not really planning on reading it, his thoughts are spinning too much, but hopes Logan will accept it as an excuse to intrude on his space. With Virgil reading quietly, Logan won't even have to look at him if he doesn't want to. It's not until he's halfway up the stairs that he realises it's an Agatha Christie. Logan's gonna think he's such a suck-up but he's hyperventilating slightly and the idea of turning back to get another book seems insurmountable. He's not really expecting much when he knocks on Logan's door but this is a last line of defence against his scattered panicking thoughts. He needs a calm presence even if Logan does hate him like he seems to.

The door swings open with a crash and Logan appears in front of him, glaring. Virgil startles, his nerves too shaken for him to keep still.

“Well?” Logan snaps, as he raises his book like a shield and opens his mouth to ask if he can read in his room. Logan's gaze sweeps across the title and his eyes roll. “Yes, ok.” He steps back to let Virgil in but he's rooted to the spot. This isn't calming. It's making everything worse. What has he done to Logan? “IN!” Logan barks, obviously fed up of his dithering and he scurries past the threshold, aiming fir the window seat, clutching the novel tight as if it could protect him. He doesn't make it to sit down before Logan's yelling.

 

“No, you know what, _Virgil?_ ” he sneers. “I don't owe you my time. It's not my fault you're incapable of putting two and two together. I'm _not_ interested in you.” Virgil's staring at him in shock, eyes quickly overflowing. He was so stupid, thinking Logan would want to help him. He's the villain for god's sake. Seeing his dumbstruck face, Logan explodes. “Was this a surprise? Are you really that STUPID? I TOLD you I'm aro! I don't LIKE you and I NEVER will! So you can stop asking me on dates like some lovesick fool! I've made it as obvious as possible that I'm NOT INTERESTED!”

 

Barely aware of dropping the book, Virgil raises shaking hands to try and block the sound buffeting around him. His brain shut off as soon as the yelling started and now he's in full panic mode. The second there's a gap in the noise, he bolts.

 

Logan stumbles slightly as Virgil rushes past him. He sighs and adjusts his glasses. It is... regrettable that he blew up like that but hopefully now they can move past this little misunderstanding and Virgil can move on from his crush. He hopes they can be friends now, he has missed having a truly platonic friendship with Patton and Roman, things have been slightly awkward ever since the incident. Maybe this will finally stop their clowning as well, but he doubts it. As the romantic and emotional sides, they've always struggled to understand his identity and, as his friends, they are invested in what they perceive as his 'happiness'. He was surprised when the anxious trait shared their desire for a partner but still, he feels he dealt with the situation as best he could. He'll give Virgil some time to himself to sort out his feelings and then see if they can discuss things rationally and come to an agreement.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil realises the way Logan was treating him was because of a false assumption and decides to show Logan how badly he got it wrong.

Virgil comes back to himself slowly. His back aches from falling asleep curled up tight in the middle of his floor. There's a large blank in his memories after rushing out of Logan's room but he seems to have made it safely back to his room. Well, somewhat safely, he amends as he catches sight of his reflection in the glass covering his Jack and Sally posters. His nails have chunks of skin under them and large scratches cross his face, arms and stomach. He can even feel some in his scalp and the back of his neck is ruined. Glancing at the clock, he discovers it's now early evening. Good. He  _should_ go take a shower but there's a quiet rage burning inside him. How dare Logan assume he was just out for a shallow fuck? He tried so hard to convey how interested he was in Logan as a person. He was so desperate for a friend, he needed someone so much and he had convinced himself Logan could be that person. Serves himself right for pinning too many expectations on one person but he's still fucking furious that Logan rejected him over an assumption that wasn't even close to the truth. 

 

He's Logic, for fuck's sake, it's Anxiety that's meant to be the one that sees things wrong. Logan was the one to teach him that when he couldn't trust his own judgement he could rely on Logic. Guess that was just a cheap tactic for a video. He wants to confront Logan before the anger is burnt out and replaced by despair. He also takes a sick pleasure in the idea of Logan being faced head on by the results of his handiwork, blood and all, so he marches out his room, past Patton's and straight into Logan's without knocking.

 

Logan tips over his desk chair as he stands. Huh. Guess his appearance is more of a shocker than he thought.

“Virgil! What the hell happened?”

“You did.” He sneers, pulling on his old countenance of Anxiety the Villain as easily as shrugging on his old hoodie. “What? You don't like it? Oh well, whatever, I don't care anymore.” Logan's eyes are wide as they travel over his exposed forearms. “Was this a surprise?” He mimics cruelly, “Are you really that _stupid?_ You should know what they say about assuming.” He sing-songs. “It makes an ass out of you, and well...” He twirls slowly, showing off his arms, face, neck. “I got a bit knocked about too, oops.” He takes in Logan's horrified expression.

“Oh, it really was a surprise, huh?” Virgil, no, Anxiety's face twists. “Is it such a shock that I just wanted a friend? Hello, I'm _Anxiety_ , that other sort of stuff makes me SICK with nerves.” He giggles. “Remember that one time I made Thomas vomit just before a date?”

“I always assumed that was my influence.” Logan murmurs softly, reaching a gentle hand out to him. He slaps it away and god does it hurt to reject affection after all this hoping for it, but he's learnt about trying to take more than he deserves. It'll only hurt more in the end and right now he's spreading all of his pain around like poison. He's poison. Logan looks offended and it infuriates him. He wants Logan to know how much he hurt Virgil and he wants him to hurt just as much.

“Fuck you.” he hisses, “You don't know anything about me at all, do you? You trick me into trusting you with your _debates_ and _strategies_ but when I'm panicking and need a friend.” The sob takes him by surprise and he hates that he's showing weakness. “You left me alone because you thought I had some cheap crush. It never crossed your mind that I could want something deeper, did it?”

“Virgil, I didn't-” Logan's edging closer and he can't let that happen. Logic will calm him down and then hurt him again when he least expects it. He won't let himself be broken like that. He hisses at the other side and backs towards the door.

“Shut up! I'm the one talking now, seeing as you couldn't be _bothered_ this past month!” He runs a hand through his hair and oh yeah, that's dried blood. “And you know what? It shouldn't matter if I'd wanted something romantic, you still could have been a good friend.” Another sob shakes his body and oh, his anger's fading and, oh, there's his anxiety coming straight for him. “You've been a shitty friend, Logan.” He covers his eyes, trying to press the tears back. “I just wanted to do a puzzle to calm down. I just wanted to chat about stars. I wanted to read with someone and have the silence be enough without words. I wanted to knock on a door and already know I was welcome on the other side. All I wanted...” He chokes on the words. “I wanted.... I just wanted a hug.” He laughs mirthlessly. “I admit it's a bit much to demand that from you. And hey, look, you were right, I was expecting a certain type of relationship from you.” He opens his eyes and Logan's right in front of him, his image blurry with unshed tears. “You were the only one who could calm me down.” He whispers “-and I wanted too much from you. I was selfish.” Logan makes a sound of protest but Anxiety speaks over him. “I should have stopped when I saw how uncomfortable you were, realised it was my fault. Who wants to spend time with Anxiety, after all? I wouldn't blame you if you did hate me-” Logan gasps.

“Virgil, no, I had no idea, I promise, _please_ , I'd love to give you a hug.” He holds his arms out like some benevolent god bestowing a single favour after sending a devotee through hell. Anxiety stumbles back like he's been burnt.

“So what, now you wanna play it like I'm some kind of pity project? Like one hug can fix everything? No. You don't have to force yourself into being friends with me. I know you don't want to. You're _not interested_.” He doesn't wait around to see Logan's expression. Yelling at him, hurting him, it doesn't feel good anymore, now he just feels sick. 

 

Patton calls to him from halfway up the stairs.

“Hey kiddo! How ya feeling buddy? Thomas was kinda nervous earlier today. Is everything hunky-dory?” Hood up, he smirks at the kinder side.

“Hey c'mon Pat. A little blood pumping is good for the circulatory system.” Anxiety sneers and flips him off before sinking down, ignoring Patton's pleas for him to stay and work this out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, I know this looks like the situations got even worse, but I promise that there's a happy ending .... eventually .... (in like two days, don't worry ;p)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan finally realises the error of his ways and starts to get his act together, protecting Virgil rather than hurting him.

Logan is sitting at the breakfast table by 6:00am. He's not normally a morning person but he doesn't want to miss Virgil. He doesn't usually acknowledge emotion either but he'll admit to feeling a large amount of... shame. He's treated Virgil just like other people sometimes treat him and it feels awful. He only hopes Virgil will talk to him- no, Virgil doesn't owe him his words- he hopes Virgil will listen as Logan explains- wait, he doesn't deserve to intrude on his time after everything- he hopes... well, he just hopes. If needed, Logan will write letters and shove them under his door for Virgil to burn or read as he chooses. He's determined to apologise even if he's lost any chance at a friendship with the anxious facet and there's little to no chance said apology will be accepted. He's fully aware there will be long-term repercussions of his actions. Even  if Virgil forgives him, he now has a reason to be afraid that Logan is simply enduring his company, and Logan hates to admit it but because of what he's done, it's a logical fear.

 

Logan will do his best in future but here's proof he has the capacity to break Virgil down without ever realising what he's doing. It sickens Logan to know what he's capable of. He muses wryly that at least there's one positive amid the consequences of his behaviour. He will not take action without properly assessing a situation again nor will he ever take the feelings of his friends so lightly as he has done recently. He needs to atone for his mistake.

 

Patton and Roman clatter down the stairs at precisely 8:03am. They prepare breakfast around him and no words are said until plates are clear and Logan's clutching a second cup of coffee while Patton's washing up.

“When does Virgil usually come down?” Logan attempts to be casual but Roman quickly shoots him down.

“What, you don't know from avoiding him all this time?”

“I... I made an terrible error.” he admits quietly.

“Yeah you did.” Patton admonishes. “Couldn't you just have played along to save his feelings? You know how delicate our Virge is.” Horror fills Logan at the words. Patton's making more of the same assumptions.

“It doesn't work like that, Patton.” he tries.

“No, Logan, I don't care whatever your identity is, anyone can face one candlelit dinner, for Pete's sake! Do you really care about Virgil so little? You don't seem to realise how much it hurts to be rejected for no reason at all. It's been _years,_ I'd assumed-” Logan actually hisses at Patton.

“Yes, you assumed! You really don't see what's wrong with that? I can tell you that there's nothing Virgil would have detested more than a romantic outing, and-” Roman scoffs disbelievingly and he rounds on him. “He's not YOU! He's the anxious side and as such, he hates that kind of thing.” The prince raises a sarcastic eyebrow.

“Ah, of course, so that's why you've been running away. Because you've got something in common.” he shakes his head. “Nope, sorry, don't buy it. Dude, that kid is head over heels for you, just give him one kiss, see if you like it. It might even fix you. True love's kiss can-” Logan doesn't hear the rest of the speech as he's lunged over the table, knocking over his coffee in the process. He's managed to get a good grip on Roman's sash and it's wound tight across the creative facet's neck.

“I do NOT need FIXING, you absolute CRETIN! I'm _not_ BROKEN! And neither is Virgil. I may have made the same mistake you made with me, with Virgil. And I will never forgive myself for that. But you only seem to be determined to injure as many people as possible with your ignorance. You don't get to say things like that, understand?” he seethes into Roman's face as the prince nods frantically with Patton squeaking in distress in the background.

“Ok, ok! Jeez, teach, that really pushes your buttons, huh?” Logan lets him go with stiff hands and he takes great care straightening out his uniform. “Look, I'm sorry. I don't pretend to understand your... thing and I know I mess up a lot, but I really do think you should talk to Virgil.”

“If I want your advice, I'll ask for it.” Logan bristles, never mind that it was exactly what he was planning on doing..

Patton sets the last dish on the drying rack with a quiet clink.

“Oh, hey, look! A bird!” he cries with forced enthusiasm. Roman takes the offered bait gladly.

“Come dear, darling, light of my life! Shall we go birdwatching in my realm today, my love?” As Patton's excited chatter about phoenixes fades, Logan moves to the window and watches a swallow fly.

 

The clock reads 9:57am when he returns to himself. Virgil has not yet entered the kitchen and will need food, he decides, and maybe he will be more likely to hear Logan's case if he comes bearing breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the shortest chapter but I wanted to keep this interaction separate from Logan and Virgil's Big Talk with Feelings.  
> The last chapter has a much larger word count to make up for it ;)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Logan finally sit down and talk. Logan explains why he acted the way he did and they work out what they want from their relationship.

Anxiety sits on top of his desk, face pressed against the glass of his window. He doesn't know how long he's been there but he's seen the sun rise and his legs are stiff. A bird with a forked tail flits across his vision. It's deathly quiet, so he can clearly hear slow steps approaching his room accompanied by the clinking of plates. Nowadays Patton tends to bring him breakfast if he misses it so when the knock comes, he waves a hand to click the lock open.

“Just... leave it on the bed or something, Pat.” he whispers hoarsely. Crying and yelling have both taken their toll on his voice and he doesn't want to talk anymore than he has to. A soft thud signals the tray being set down and the door shuts gently. He sighs, hating that Pat has to step out of his way like this, he knows how much he makes the older trait worry.

 

Logan shuts the door and turns to study Virgil carefully. The skin beneath his eyes is badly bruised, his wounds are clearly untreated and he's wearing his old hoodie like a physical weight. He doesn't look like he's moved from his solitary position anytime recently. It nowhere resembles a good situation. Logan clears his throat and Virgil jumps, turning to look at him with wide, frightened eyes and a complexion that shouldn't be naturally grey. He lowers himself slowly to sit cross-legged on the floor as if taming a spooked animal. The logical facet sighs, knowing the only place to start repairing this relationship was at the beginning, difficult as it may be for him.

 

“Five years ago,” he starts carefully, tracking Virgil's expressions, “Patton and Roman decided they wanted to try being in a romantic relationship.” He sees understanding bloom in Virgil's eyes but he's going to tell this story in all it's sordid details. There will be no more misunderstandings through his fault if he can help it. “At the time, they were also both attracted to me and so decided a triad would be best for everyone involved. I was confused by the whole notion of romantic attraction and told them so. I attempted to inform them of an identity I'd found through research, aromanticism and explained I thought it fitted me and so would prefer not to join them on their venture into the unknown. They didn't really understand, and felt rejected.

 

As I was not yet sure in myself and did not want to damage their feelings, they managed to persuade me that I needed to try out a romantic relationship rather than dismiss it out of hand. It seemed... logical to explore before settling on a label, and yet, it didn't  _feel_ right, but I decided to go along with the others, thinking my emotions were irrational. Those 89 days...,” he pauses, searching for words, “...weren't... good? Patton and Roman were perfect gentlemen but I couldn't seem to be happy. I didn't understand either the grand gestures or the quiet signals and so couldn't reciprocate. Whenever I tried to, to make them happy, it tended to fall flat in a way I couldn't comprehend. According to Roman, it was missing a 'special spark'.” he laughs. “Whatever that is. When they tried to include me on dates, I felt uncomfortable and out of place. I... I  _hated_ it.” Anxiety watches him with quiet dismay in his eyes, he's never seen the logical side so emotional. “It came to a head when Patton and Roman decided it was time to add a sexual nature to the relationship. I'd been letting their expertise lead until that point but the idea of sex repulsed me and by then I'd realised it wasn't sustainable to force myself to be someone I wasn't, in pursuit of something I didn't even want, all to try not to upset them.” 

 

He's stopped watching Virgil's reactions now, too caught up in memories. “I left the relationship. They found it difficult to comprehend my reasoning and for a time assumed I didn't enjoy their company at all. I confronted them 27 days after leaving and managed to partially restore our platonic bond. Although they still struggle, they do their best to be supportive. Well... they did.” He blinks back tears. “Please understand I'm not trying to pass off blame, I am entirely without excuse, but I would like to explain. When they saw you trying to cultivate a friendship with me, they assumed a romantic attraction. They presumed you would 'fix' me and our team of four would become two couples. You came to ask me star-gazing the day after Patton gave me the 'shovel talk'.” He looks up to see Virgil sitting cross-legged a few feet away. “Is that the correct usage?” Logan receives a slow nod and takes it as permission to push forward with his side of the story.

 

“With Patton and Roman telling me you were interested and my lack of understanding on the subject, I assumed they were correct.” He huffs a breath of frustration, removing his glasses to scrub at his eyes. “Stupid, I know, given they'd gotten me completely wrong, to trust their judgement but hindsight really is 20:20, I guess.” A pale hand settles on his. “When you came to me, I'd been stressing over how to break the news to you. I thought I'd done well but you kept coming back and I was _terrified_ of another situation where if I gave an inch, I'd end up trapped because they... you didn't- wouldn't... because you wouldn't understand my needs as much as I didn't understand yours. So I ran and I hid and I was a coward.” Self-loathing shines through his voice and the hand tightens it's grip on his. 

 

“I should have done better by you Virgil, especially given I know what it feels like to have someone get it so completely wrong. I... I want to do better by you, find out what you need as a person, to be the one you come to for comfort, to understand you. The others place so much stock in romantic bonds, I'd...oh.” his eyes blow wide in realisation. “I'd forgotten what platonic attraction felt like.” He says slowly. He feels understanding hit him like a physical blow as he reanalyses his own thoughts and actions over the past years, seeing himself drift away from Patton and Roman, uncomfortable with their excessive affection. “I've been... _lonely._ ” He blinks and watches a tear land on their clasped hands. “I want to be your friend.” Logan whispers. “I don't know if you can ever trust me again. I know it's not the logical choice given how I acted, and I know I landed a lot of information on you just now, pity or some sort of sense of duty isn't exactly the best place to start any relationship, and we're both suffering from some trauma, rationally you should-” Hands cup his face and he looks up into Virgil's half-smile.

 

“Anxiety isn't rational and if you're willing to put in the work, I am too.” The other half of his smile pulls up. “Can I have my hug now?” Logan pulls him forward desperately, landing Virgil in his lap, wrapping his arms around as much of the other as he can. Neither sides says anything about the sobs that shake them both as they drink in each others presence. They don't talk until they've managed to rearrange into a more comfortable position some time later, Logan leaning against the door, Virgil sideways in his lap, leaning on his chest and listening to his heartbeat. “What now?” Virgil murmurs.

“I'd like to clean your wounds, and you should eat something, and then-”

“No, uh, I mean, us?” Logan frowned in thought.

“Well, I'd want to start of as friends first, as in any good partnership, but eventually, I mean, I'm friends with Patton, but with you, the label...”

“It's not quite right.”

“Yes, exactly. Already, you're not just a friend to me. I'd like a word that fully encompasses how important you are to me.” He blushes and leans in to kiss the top of Virgil's head to hide his face but sees the clotted blood and rests his hand there instead, frowning slightly.

“Queer-platonic.” Virgil blurts quickly, like it's a plaster he needs to rip off.

“Could you repeat that, please?”

“Uh, queer-platonic. I, um, found it when I was googling aromanticism on tumblr-”

“Googling... on tumblr?”

“Shut up.”

“Ok, but I'm judging you.” Virgil snickers.

“Whatever. It's different things to different people, some kiss, some don't, some have sex, some don't, some are open, some aren't, but basically it's saying this is my life partner in whatever way we choose, and it's special without being romantic. Uh, could we... , um, could that be...our label?” Virgil's nervousness is at once both endearing and a reminder to treat him carefully. Logan strokes over Virgil's cheekbone.

“It sounds perfect. We can choose what we want it to be when we get there.” Virgil smiles tiredly, his expression so much more open than usual.

“Lookin' forward to it.”

 

(Some time later)

 

“Where's your first aid kit?”

“Above the sink in the bathroom, through that door.... Logan, what's this?”

“That's your breakfast, is it not obvious?”

“ _Darling_ , precisely none of these are breakfast foods.”

“It should not matter what food you eat at what time so long as it has the right balance of nutrients.”

“I'm kind of scared to ask what you had for your breakfast.”

“Leftover pasta with kale and I added strawberry yoghurt for dairy.”

“Not all at...?”

“It doesn't matter how in enters your body, Virgil. It all gets mixed up with hydrochloric acid anyway.”

“Eww. No kissing. I've decided, kissing is off the table. I'm not going near a mouth that's had yoghurt and kale in it at the same time.”

“Humph. I have found the antiseptic wipes, pass me your arm.”

“So, go on, explain my breakfast to me, oh cleverest one.”

“Well, you have a yoghurt for dairy and broccoli for vitamins-”

“Raw.”

“Cooking drains the vitamins, stop squirming.”

“It _stings_.”

“You are what I believe Roman would call an 'edge-lord', I'm sure you can handle it. There is a ham and egg sandwich for protein and carbohydrates.”

“Ok, but I'm sure the leftover pizza doesn't fit into a well-balanced meal.”

“It's your favourite.”

“Aw, you risked Patton's wrath to seize the forbidden pizza for me. You do love me.”

“Yes, that is an accurate statement.”

“Stop it, you'll make me blush and I don't have my foundation on. Wait.... is that.... an entire cucumber?”

“Ah, yes, that's your drink.”

“....”

“I, uh, can't figure out Roman's fancy coffee machine and we've run out of juice.”

“Water, Logan, water. Or even tea, I guess.”

“I was stressed and I panicked.”

“And grabbed a cucumber?”

“It's 96% water?”

“I thought you were logical!”

“I am the literal personification of Logic! However I will admit I am not always entirely rational. Come into the light, I want to do your face next.”

“Hang on, I'm thirsty.” Virgil snagged the cucumber with his now clean left arm and wandered after his favourite person, making a show of snapping off the end and gnawing at the flesh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the promised crack. May I present my counterpoint to the 'Logan eats books' meme going through the fandom at the minute.
> 
> We've reached the end of Virgil and Logan's arc! I hope you enjoyed the ride, I do have something in the works for a fic in same verse centring around Patton and Roman and them coming to terms with their fuckups, so if you want to see those loose ends tied up then keep your eyes peeled for a sequel. (it maybe won't be for a little while though, I still need to write most of it and I have other wips as well..., but I'll do my best to write quickly :) )


End file.
